I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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