look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize