trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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