real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
