ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
