I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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