Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Me too. Send a cab. Order food.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up

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(217): View more from Illinois

if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life

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(860): View more from Connecticut

its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.

(1-859): View more from Kentucky

ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...

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(541): View more from Oregon

He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.

(541): View more from Oregon

Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.

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(510): View more from California

Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.

(650): View more from California

Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.

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(727): View more from Florida

Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"

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