Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize