so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
