Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
