Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
