you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
last night I used snow as a chaser
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
