She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize