I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
