Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We got so high we made milksteak
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
