Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
