Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
