That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
