I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize