we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
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