Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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