Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
