I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize