Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
