Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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