did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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