I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
