Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
