I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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