i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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