Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My feet surprised me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
