Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
