I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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