he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
