I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
