Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Even my vagina gasped.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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