I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
