No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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