is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
NoShamevember. You game?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
God, I missed his penis.
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