Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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