So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
