She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
