i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
