After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize