Midget sex pt 2 tonight
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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