he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
