Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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