This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
