if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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