3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize