Girls should come with a carfax report
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
