omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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