my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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