he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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