something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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