is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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