Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she told me i tasted like america
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
