White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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