Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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