So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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