OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
