I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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