Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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