He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Less talking, more tequila
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
