We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
