capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
