we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
