wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
