I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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