K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
