I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
