I heard we made out
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
