I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
