It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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