He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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