Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize