i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
