My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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