I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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