i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
