well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
