Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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