You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
