accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
